She was six weeks old when adopted. She grew up in the last third of the twentieth century with a younger brother, mother and father and an extended family of some renown. After college, several different jobs in her twenties and thirties, she married and is now, in her fifties, the mother of two teenagers.
Over the years, she had made some attempts to find her birth mother, which yielded some information but not enough to find her. A few months ago, thanks to search engines like ancestry.com and 23andme, she found her. And not only her mother, but two half-sisters and a niece.
On Easter morning, she published a photo taken of their meeting. With smiles all around, it showed her mother and her mother’s partner, herself and her husband, and a half-sister with her husband. Looking at her, standing between her half-sister and her mother, the resemblance was unmistakeable.
As it happens, her half-sister had also been looking for her at the same time. And she discovered that, unlike her long-held fear that she was adopted because her mother didn’t want her, she had been wanted and loved. Her mother was too young, however, and sadly unable to keep her.
Now that there is more access to adoption records and electronic means to learn about heritage, there are more and more stories like these. At the same time, there are just as many that don’t turn out so well. I believe that adoptees who undertake their search have great courage and faith. They are willing to take the risk, knowing that their story could end either well or not-so-well.
I have been told by several adoptees who don’t know their birth circumstances that they never quite felt that they belonged. Even among those who have grown up in families who love them unconditionally and who tell them what a blessing they are, they seem to carry within them the question, “Where, or to whom, do I belong?” To find an answer, as our young friend did, can help put some of that doubt to rest.
I mentioned above that it was on Easter morning when we first heard this news. Often, something that I am reading flows seamlessly into something happening at the time. This what I read on Easter. With gratitude and a touch of awe, I write it for you and for her and her family.
The Magdalene’s Blessing: For Easter Day (from “Circle of Grace” by Jan Richardson)
You hardly imagined standing here,
everything you have ever loved suddenly returned to you,
looking you in the eye and calling your name.
This is an invitation, a choice,
a threshold, a gate.
This is your life calling to you
from a place
you could never have dreamed,
but now that you have glimpsed its edge,
you cannot imagine choosing any other way.
So let the tears come as anointing, as consecration,
and then let them go.
Let this blessing gather itself around you.
Let it give you what you will need for this journey.
Resurrection is not simply a once and only event. It can happen at any time, often when we least expect it. Pay attention, look around, stop and listen. Maybe today.
Hi Polly: As you may know our daughter was adopted when she was 5 mos old. As she got older we always talked about it and if she ever wanted to seek out her “family” it was OK with us. The teenage years were quite difficult and in her early 20’s she was able to obtain a bit of information. It was not good and I feel she was very disappointed it didn’t end like a fairy tale. She has now 3 beautiful children and a wonderful husband. I know at times she would have liked to know her “past”, but she is making her own and has accepted our family as hers. Her first daughter was adopted by her present husband, so the word is not unfamiliar to the family. Adoption is a special event for everyone and I truly am an advocate
of families choosing to do so.
Dear Reedie, Thank you so much for sharing this. It is sad that she went through a tough period and must have been difficult for all of you. I have two good friends in our church who have adopted children and are in awe of the tenderness and love in those families. The little I know of the children’s birth circumstances convinces me that they are indeed blessed to have been adopted into their new families where they are loved unconditionally. Knowing what an all-around wonderful person you are, I have little doubt that the same is true for your daughter. Just as a search for a birth parent takes a huge amount of faith and risk, so does adopting a child. You and Pepper did a beautiful thing and it’s good to hear about her now.
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