Four p.m. Time to get to my computer, time to take care of some old business. Open computer, log on to their website with my user name and password. Or not, it seems. A brief history: I’ve been a customer of this particular business for, ball park figure, thirty years; that is, before online transactions were available. I am a familiar face to the personnel, even though my visits to the actual place have been fewer recently. Which means that I have “visited” primarily from my computer, always with success. So I tried logging on a second time and received a response, hooray! although not what I expected. For the first time in this long history I was asked to type in a security code which would be sent to my email to be verified. Thus, I checked my email. No code. I waited, checked again. Nothing. One more check some minutes later and there it was.  Da-da! Typed it in and read, “this code has expired”. “Okay,” I reminded myself, “I’m not someone who gives up easily, am I?”

I started the process again, from the beginning. Same steps: user name, password, wait for the code. And wait and wait and yes! there it was, and with two or three minutes to spare. Quick, type it in the little boxes. I’m in!! Now, what was the transaction I planned to do? Oh, yes, I remember, a simple funds transfer, one I have done with this business many times before. Okay, look up my account number (plus DOB, phone#, email…didn’t it just ask me that a few key strokes ago?). Got it. Now, make the transfer to the pertinent party. Look up pertinent party account number, type it in space provided, all set. Ahh, another friendly message appears. “You do not have any available accounts for making transfers”. What? Yes, I do, and have had for years. Okay, go to the “how can we help you” bar. Type in my question (politely, of course). A new page appears with several FAQ options. I go to “Transfers from your account”. Maybe I’m getting somewhere. It turns out “somewhere” tells me what I already know, without any information when it doesn’t work. Try again, phrase it a bit differently. I’m trying to be a very polite and patient customer for this particular robot. Same result. I’ll give it another go, but…, hold on. Isn’t the definition of insanity doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result? Since I’m not yet insane, although getting close, I’ll try calling. There must still be a nice person with a phone on her desk who can solve my problem efficiently and precisely, isn’t there? After all, I’ve been their customer for decades. When I walk in, I’m greeted with a friendly smile and a “how can I help you?’ They KNOW me!

Okay, that’s what I’ll do. It’s still before five o’clock, just. Click back to the home page to find phone number…which isn’t there. Ah, but there is a box I can click to find the office of my (formerly well-liked slowly becoming not very nice) business. There it is! With a local area code AND familiar first 3 digits. Piece of cake. I’m connected. “You have reached the office of ___. Your call is very important to us. Press 1 if you want X. Press 2 if you want Y. Press 3;4;5. Press 6 if you want to speak to a real person”, or something along those lines. I pressed 6. It rang, yes! I’m zeroing in on this  thing. And rang. And rang. Be patient, Polly, soon someone will answer and, if not, I can always leave a message. It rang, it rang and it kept on ringing Then it stopped. Over and out!

I think I’ll have a glass of wine.

I do not live happily or comfortably
With the cleverness of our times.
The talk is all about computers,
The news is all about bombs and blood.
This morning, in the fresh field,
I came upon a hidden nest.
It held four warm, speckled eggs.
I touched them.
Then went away softly,
Having felt something more wonderful
Than all the electricity of New York City.

-Mary Oliver